


To Meet God

by pretty_ok



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Gen, Humor, some weird Bruce Almighty type shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8998168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_ok/pseuds/pretty_ok
Summary: Nick gets a surprise visitor in his apartment. Like, really fucking surprising.





	

After another long day working overtime, Nick finally made it back to his apartment. He and Judy had been assigned a breaking and entering case that day, and after working it for almost their entire ten-hour shift with no success, they had been called up for a manhunt. When they finally found the guy five hours later, he was dead in a ditch with the two kids he had kidnapped. After finishing the paperwork at two in the morning, Nick was thoroughly done. He and Judy had grabbed a quick dinner at one of the twenty-four hour diners that catered to ZPD officers with similar schedules, then split for the trek back to their respective flats.

He didn’t bother with the lights, not that he often did when he was alone. He shed his clothes haphazardly on the approach to his room. His duty belt here, shirt there, the bunny-emblazoned briefs he would _never_ tell Judy about at the foot of his bed. Nude and still smelling of hours of exhausting work, he collapsed on top of his sheets, said a quick prayer that his sleep wouldn’t be haunted by what he saw in that ditch, and fell asleep.

When he woke, it was still dark, and he found an older fox standing over him. Despite the non-threatening posture of the other mammal, he instinctively curled into a ball, all four paws facing the intruder with claws fully extended, and snarled.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m here to answer your prayers.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He sat up, standing once the other fox took a few steps back. He was taller, and although the older mammal was stockier, he liked his odds.

“I am God. You prayed, so I thought I’d answer.”

Nick growled at the other fox. “What the fuck are you doing in my home?”

God chuckled, stuffing his paws in his pockets. “Not ‘get out of my home’? My my, that bunny really has changed you.”

Nick knew better to fall for that trap. A quick sniff told him there probably wasn’t anyone else in his apartment, at least no one that he could smell. He couldn’t hear any movement either. “What bunny? In case you haven’t noticed, they don’t tend to like us.” He circled, placing himself between ‘God’ and the door.

“Please, Nick. I know all about you and Judy. You should consider yourself lucky that whoever told you your relationship with her is a sin was wrong. Now, what you two do to each other in that bed, and against that wall, and, well, everywhere? That’s a little borderline.” He chuckled again, an easy, pleasant sound, and Nick couldn’t help but feel relaxed by it. Almost involuntarily, his ears perked forwards from their pinned-back position.

“So you’re a stalker. Great. Now, would you be so kind as to turn around so I can cuff you?” It was about then that Nick realized his duty belt was in the hallway, behind a closed door.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time for that, Nick. How about you put some clothes on instead?” He started walking around the bed towards the window on the far wall.

Nick looked down, then back up at the other fox, smirking. “What, you jealous?”

God stopped, looking back at Nick. “I’m well aware what I’ve given you down there, but not everyone wants to see that.” He snapped his fingers, and Nick was once again clothed in his uniform, now freshly pressed and smelling of detergent.

“What just– Ohhh, I see. I’m still dreaming. Might as well enjoy this then. What’ve you got, ‘God’?” Nick sidled up next to God and leaned against him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. God smiled at him, and suddenly Nick found himself standing ramrod straight, arm no longer around God’s shoulders.

“You know you’re not dreaming, Nick. You never wake up during a dream, you just start in the middle of it.”

_He’s got a point, but that would mean…_

While Nick stood with his head tilted to the side and brows furrowed, eyes barely focused, God took a step forwards. Nick looked up.

“Hate to tell ya, buddy, but that’s just a wall with a three story drop out the window.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that.” He put his paw on the wall, and _pushed._ Nick’s smirk disappeared as the wall swung open like a door. His jaw fell open when the other fox _stepped out into thin air AND STARTED WALKING ACROSS IT LIKE FLAT GROUND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?_

“Aren’t you going to join me, Mr. Wilde?” God beckoned him with an easy wave of the paw.

“I– you just– wha– you know what? Fine. Best case scenario I fall to the ground and wake up screaming from this weird-ass dream.” Nick took a tentative step, mildly disappointed when his foot appeared to hit a barrier in the air at the same level as the floor in his apartment. He looked down and noticed the wall had perfectly sheared open, yet no water was spilling out of the cut pipes, and the lights in the ceiling were still working just fine.

_Okay this is a really creepy and detailed dream._

He cringed as he gingerly transferred his weight to the foot in the air, but for all he could tell he was just taking another step onto solid ground. His confidence growing, he quickly walked the next several steps to arrive next to God. When he got there, he was on eye-level with the shorter fox. Looking down, he found his feet floating several inches below God’s.

“I thought, since I make the rules out here, I’d put you on eye level for once. Well, I guess I make the rules everywhere, but I didn’t want to mess up your floor. Or your bones.”

“Har har. Whaddo I need to do to make this dream end? I’m getting bored.” Nick yawned, purposely stretching an arm towards God. Instead of obnoxiously bumping the other mammal, however, his arm turned in midair to pass a few inches behind His head.

“Now now, let’s not be rude. And I really don’t have time to convince you anymore, I have important God-things to attend to.”

“God-things, huh? Aren’t you supposed to be omnipotent and all that jazz, shouldn’t this be no problem?”

“Very good. Now, are you dreaming right now?”

Nick opened his mouth to respond. As he did, his head grew warm and his tongue cool. Everything in his field of view stretched horizontally to infinity then snapped back into place. All the tension in his body evaporated, and his eyes refocused on the fox right in front of him.

 _Oh my God, he really_ **_is_ ** _God._

_Shit, I probably shouldn’t be saying that. Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain and all._

_“It’s alright, Nick. I know that’s a hard rule to follow.”_

_AHH! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HEAD?_

_“Well, I am omnipotent.”_

“Maybe you’d be more comfortable if we stuck to talking. So, are you dreaming, Nicholas?”

“N– no.” Nick scratched the back of his neck. “Wow, this is really weird. Do you do this all the time to people? Is that where all those raving lunatics on the street come from?”

“Not usually. It’d be a little cruel to go around driving people to destitution and loneliness.”

“W–” God held up a paw, and Nick’s mouth snapped shut.

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Nick. We’re not gonna have the ‘why do bad things happen to good mammals’ debate. I’ve got something else I want from you.” He started strolling forward through the air again. “I want you to spread the good news of Me.”

Nick remained where he was, face blank and tight-lipped.

“What’s wrong, Nick?” He said, _with a literal twinkle in his fucking eye holy shit._ The twinkle grew significantly brighter as God smirked, then abruptly disappeared.

“You know what I’m thinking: no one will believe me, especially if I say that God was a fox. Who’d believe He made the ‘dirtiest, most no-good scum’ in His own image?” There was real anger in his voice and written across his face as he mimicked all the mammals who he’d heard say that throughout his life.

“There’s a reason you’re all so devilishly handsome, and you in particular.”

Nick was taken aback. “Wait, you’re saying you actually made foxes in your image? And that I’m special?” He didn’t remember walking over to stand right in front of God.

“No, not quite, but I do like you foxes. Now, back on track: what would it take to get you to do it?” He waved to a mammal on the ground who had happened to look up and see them. The jackal waved back with a large smile, then continued walking like she had seen nothing out of the ordinary.

Nick was engrossed watching her until God cleared His throat. Nick looked back up, opened his mouth, thought better than to ask about the jackal, and said, “Don’t you already know?”

“Yes, and I could tell you to do it and make you like it, but that doesn’t feel quite right.”

Nick crossed his arms. “Alright, fine. I want miracle powers. And not just the kiddie shit, I wanna be able to do some cool stuff.” He closed his eyes, waiting for a rejection.

_So I can get back to my life, and probably a habit of seeing a priest and a therapist. Judy’ll never believe me._

“Done.”

Nick’s eyes shot back open. “WHAT!?”

“Just don’t go bringing anyone back from the dead, okay? And be careful getting down from here. Probably want to do it quick if you don’t want to end up on the morning news.” He held out his paw, and Nick’s rose to meet it like a magnetic attraction. During the firm shake, a warm glow passed over Nick. When God released Nick’s paw, he gave a little two-finger salute. “See you around. And good luck!”

He was gone before Nick finished saying “Isn’t that up to you?”

* * *

 

Judy stirred in her small bed. She grabbed several plushies in a vain attempt to cover her ears. When that failed, she started throwing them at the source of the noise.

“Judy! Judy wake up! Carrots! Agh! Come on, get up, Fluff!” Nick caught the other three plushies and set them down on her desk.

Judy looked over at the clock. “Nick, it’s 4:00am. What could you possibly need right now? And tonight, of all nights…” Reluctantly, she looked up, blinking her eyes until they could focus on the fox a few feet away. He held a medium-sized bowl of what appeared to be carrot soup in his paws.

“I know you’re not gonna believe me, at least not at first, so just look at this.” She shifted into a sitting position, ears curving over lazily. Nick placed the bowl on the ground, then held his paws over it and spread them apart. As he did so, the soup split, revealing a path right down to the bottom of the bowl.

“Holy shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story was conceived back at the beginning of December for the r/fanfiction December challenge. One of the prompts was "to meet God" (I know, very original title on my part), and I just had this great image of God and Nick snarking it up, and Nick getting miracle powers, because who wouldn't want to see that? All of the actual writing was done in the last three days though. Stupid finals and daily prompts taking all my time.
> 
> I promise I'm only gonna be working on _In the Nick of Time_ now. I've made some progress on the next chapter, and hopefully I'll get that up pretty soon.


End file.
